Ryan's Blog

xangbloggica

2008-03-29T15:48:00.002-04:00

http://xanga.com/rcyoaxn. the other one. that gets updates more. or http://blog.myspace.com/rcyoaxn. gets updated even more.

yeeaaahhhhh....

2008-01-20T01:08:00.000-05:00

so... i basically forgot all about this. but now i remembered. woo.

how ya all doing?

^_^

2007-06-27T21:04:00.001-04:00

I'm alive, I'm alive' I'm alive, I'm alive!

Haha, just been really busy. Working 4 jobs. Blah...

^_^

There is always a new day

2007-04-17T23:24:00.000-04:00

I wrote this a few days ago but didn't get around to posting it until now.

-----

For some reason I keep finding myself feeling like a song by Mute Math called "Picture". I'll say more about it in a minute, but for now -- I was bored in class the other day (seems to happen a lot) so I started writing a piece of poetry. This is how it turned out:

Held within the grasp of fate
Lost inside this darkened state
Choices made, reasoned mind
We thought we knew the truth this time
Face the lies, take the blame
You are the one who made this game
Beyond the edge of reasoned light
You fell from grace into the night
Whores and lovers, saints and fools
Half-lived morals bend the rules
No wrong or right, just good intention
Hard lines and bright eyes lost to mention
All fall apart like broken pride
Yet with sunrise, surrender, renewed we rise

It's me, it's you, it's everyone who has fallen and been trampled to pieces by life. Everyone who has ever given themselves away and woken up one day to find that they've got nothing left. That they're not who they were, and they don't know how they got this way.

And you say you've screwed up so badly you could never get back. You think could never get back to who you were, that even God can't give you back what you gave away. My friend, you have a very small picture of God. He knows no limits, he has no boundaries. Space and time can't contain him. Not even your will can stop him. You are loved by God whether you want it or not. My Father can restore anything, he can make anything better, and he can fix any problem we can throw at him. I don't care if you've killed someone, if you're a rapist, if you've had sex so many times you can't keep track anymore, if you've looked at porn all your life and think you're stuck there forever, if you're anorexic, a cutter, a druggie, alcoholic, bullimic, or suicidal. There is hope for you in Christ. You can take one more day. You can hold on. You can change. There is hope and love and grace for you and, in spite of the pain, there is a peace for you that your mind just can't wrap itself around. You can be restored. The very word implies that something had to be messed up to begin with. You can't fix something that isn't broken. It's not going to be easy, but nothing in life ever is. It probably won't even be close to fun most times. But is it worth it? Is accepting Christ's love and choosing to devote yourself to living for him worth it? With all I am, I say yes.

I'm in the middle of something that has been for me nearly 2 years in the making, and I'm at the point where I'm wondering whether or not I should just get up and walk away from it forever. It's affected my grades, my personality, my emotions, my actions, everything about me. For the past 2 years this has been foremost in my prayers, first when I go to God for strength, the first reason I find myself lost in thought and dreams. I love it, I truly do, but at times I find myself almost hating it at the same time. Finally I think I must decide. Either direction will be hard, and I know which one I want, but I no longer feel I know what will happen. It's not up to me. But I know that God must have a plan.

It seems all I can do is trust. It's never been easy for me to trust anyone, and when people continually lie to me and break the trust I worked so hard to give to them it makes it even more difficult. God knows the effort it takes me to trust anyone for anything. And being let down so often makes it hard to even trust God sometimes, because I wonder why he should be any different than many of my friends. But then I remember that He's never let me down before, even when I've cussed him out for letting something happen that I didn't understand and thought I couldn't take. He's always pulled me through. So he is the one in whom I place my trust.

So back to the song, Picture. I guess it explains a lot about how I've felt many times when I remember this summer and many times since then. Especially when I was going through my wallet and found a photo I forgot I had ever put there.

I see our fate, I see our past
And all the things that could not last
It's heavy on these eyes, frozen as I hold this photograph
It's all we're left that's of any worth
And it's so much more than a thousand words
Now in this frame is our only way we can endure

I pictured you and me always
And in this photograph we're safe

All I hear in my head
Are all the words I wish I'd said
Sentimental thoughts are overwhelming me again
As I stare through a lens of tears
At what remains of those fallen years
Now in this frame memories are held to persevere

I pictured you and me always
And in this photograph we'll stay
I pictured you and me always
And in this photograph we're safe

Coping with this loss has broken me
And I'm just hoping things are all as they should be
I pictured you and me, you and me
I pictured
Oh, I pictured

I pictured you and me always
And in this photograph we'll stay
I pictured you and me always
And in this photograph we're safe

We're safe
We're safe

---------------

I told you always. Always. And no matter what, it will always be true.

Photos

2007-04-17T01:16:00.000-04:00

Okay, since Anonymous wondered about pictures of me... actually, the profile pic really is me. I was just 3 years old at the time. But here are more current ones -- click on them for a bigger view:

Summer '06

Fall '06

Winter '06

Spring '07

These are pretty much the most current photos I've got. I've actually got a bit of a scruffy beard going on right now, but I don't have any photos of it. I'm probably just going to shave it off soon anyway. So there
you go. ^_^

2007-04-04T15:33:00.000-04:00

Wallace Stevens mentions horny feet in one of his poems. Taken out of context, I find that hilarious. It was everything I could do to keep myself from laughing in class today.

Discussing 19th century funerals in the same class, and how long before a body must be buried, here are the professor’s comments: "Not to be cold about it, but it would depend on whether it was summer or winter."

Cold. Haha. I laugh at the most random, seemingly humorless things. It’s fun. ^_^

[edit]

Today I found that I've been quoted on Facebook as saying: "Even old barbies were marvellously disproportionate and could have carried everything they needed in their chests. No need for a purse with that much endowment. 'Excuse me, I need to get my makeup...'"

And I've got nothing more to say about that. :-P

The first day of the rest of my life

2007-04-01T15:42:00.001-04:00

Wow. For some reason today I'm enjoying listening to the song "Backstabber" by Disciple. Probably not a good thing. Haha.

I guess I haven't been blogging much lately. I've just been way too busy for it anymore. Not to say I'm going to abandon my blogs; I just won't be updating as much, as you've probably already noticed.

Playing in the fountains at Triangle Park is surprisingly fun.

Okay, done for now.

Just one small question...

2007-03-28T00:06:00.000-04:00

...does anyone really read this anymore?

Well hello there!

2007-02-13T18:41:00.000-05:00

Well, it's me. I'm still alive. I've just been incredimongously busy lately. Spellcheck is telling me that isn't a word, but it's okay. I'm back at Asbury College after a jaunt at UK. Too much is going on in my life right now to even start to write about, but life is good, God is good, and that's all that really matters. Love you guys... maybe I'll try to get back to updating this again. Blessings!

Ry ^_^

MO Tawts, yo

2006-11-23T18:50:00.000-05:00

Random thoughts, y'all. Take them with a bit of turkey and enjoy. ;)

Snake Meat Eaters of America Slogans:
Snake: The other other white meat.
Snake: It's what's for dinner.
Snake: It makes great boots. And you can eat the rest.
(What am I doing? I must be tired, haha)

Why do all my friends think my brother looks just like me? A co-worker yesterday told someone that there was a miniature Ryan standing at the counter. I don't think we look a bit alike. He's not even tall. ;)

I joined a new Facebook group this week that must have been created by a math major. It's called "I wish I was your derivative you I could lie tanget to your curves". Pure fun.

Too bad you cant major in being a miner. They you could have a lot of fun with people. For example:
"My major is miner!"
What are you studying?" "I'm majorly a psych guy". "Oh yeah? Well, I'm a major miner major!"
*groans*. Awful, I know.

Prayer this past week or so has been insane. I fasted for a friend most of Monday, I had a crazy prayer time Sunday night... It's been nonstop craziness. Good times, but quite exhausting.Right now I'm literally hoarse from praying last night. I guess I got kinda loud. Maybe even close to a holy roar. ;) I pray in my car now, mostly at night, so the intensity doesn't frighten anyone. I always feel a little weird when I go back to my dorm though, because I have to wonder what I must look like. If I was a superhero, I could be Night Prayer Man. "Who is that at such a crazy time of night driving an ugly car, wearing weird clothes, and looking like he got an hour of sleep all week? Why, it's Night Prayer Man!" *cheering*. ;)

More serious thoughts:

There comes a time for all of us when we have to choose between what is right and what is easy.

It's always so easy to see where we're at now and say that there's no turning back; that we're here now and where we've fallen from doesn't matter. We tend to get caught in the moment and forget about who and what we could be if we would just push on and leave the things that are holding us back behind. We forget how things used to be and instead content ourselves with who we've become. We tell ourselves we've reached a point where we can't turn back; that we can't be who we once were. We lie to ourselves and say that we haven't fallen that much, that we're not falling, that we've just slowed our growth down a bit, but we wonder why everything around us seems to be moving upward so much faster than it used to and the rocks at the bottom of the cliff we're climbing seem to be getting bigger.

I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of seeing so many of the girls around me change and do things they wouldn't have only a few months ago because they got involved with some guy who manipulated them. I'm sick of seeing guys take advantage of girls because they know how to play with their emotions. I'm sick of trying to put back together the pieces of their old lives after they finally realize what happened to them. They're never the same. God can restore anything, and forgiveness is always available, but even healing leaves scars.

I'm sick of watching my friends compromise themselves and then say they don't regret what they've done because they "learned from it". Oh, sure. How can you learn if you don't change? There can be no repentance without it. Yes, I've done things I shouldn't have, and yes, I've learned a lot from my mistakes. But I do regret them. I hope that if I ever get with someone who starts to bring me down that one of my friends will have the courage to slap me in the face and tell me to get rid of her and won't stop praying for me until I do.

Sometimes I think about how much better things would have been if I would have just obeyed and trusted God and learned things the way he intended me to. I think about how much more fulfilling things would have felt, and how there wouldn't have been the same pain involved in learning the lessons I needed to know. The past is gone. It's over, and no one can change it. But we can shape our futures by the choices we make today. For us, there is no "point of no return", because we can begin again, right now if we choose. We can turn our lives around if we are willing. I don't know about you, but I sure am.

If we really care about making a difference and leading others to Christ, then why are we stuck in trying to fit in and be like everyone else? We're supposed to be different so people can notice that we're not like everyone else. People don't interact with others and then think to themselves, "Wow, that guy was just like everyone else! I want to know why! What makes him just another clone walking around trying to be like the rest of the world? How inspiring!" Instead, it's the way we don't act and the words we don't say and the things we don't do do that should cause others to notice us. I want people to say, "Wow, that guy... there's just something about him. He's not like everyone else. What makes him different?"

Christians are such idiots. So many of them run around beating people down with their Bibles until they're just a bloody heap on the floor and then telling them how much Jesus loves them and they should repent and be just like them. Preachers who stand on campuses yelling at frat guys and insulting crowds, people in the back of courtrooms who scream at judges and tell them they're going to hell, people who do whatever the heck they want and then stumble into church on Sunday with a show of piety and false devotion, people who raise their hands in worship services during the chorus of every song and leave that night and intantly change the moment they get back to their dorm rooms: they all make me feel sick.

I used to think it was corny when some of my friends spoke about their relationship with Christ so often; how they seemingly tried to weave it into everything they did. Why did they feel like they couldn't do anything for just a minute without religion? But then I finally realized something. They spoke as if they were talking about someone they loved more than anything else. They were being sincere. It wasn't religion to them. Religion is dead and useless. It was evidence that they really did have a relationship. And when I realized that, I didn't seem corny. It didn't seem stupid. It seemed authentic, because God was a greater part of their lives than anything else. He was what they cared about more than anything.

But do we really care? Do we really give a crap about any of this? Does sacrificing the pleasures of the here and now for a future that seems so uncertain make any sense to us? Does giving up what we could so easily have right now and saving it for later make any sense to us? Does blindly believing that God has a plan and trusting that he will bring it to pass sound like a good idea? I don't know about you. But for me, even though it's not even close to easy, it's the only way I feel I can live.

With every stand we no longer take, with every wrong move we intentionally make, another piece of our innocence is thrown away. I don't want to have to stand in front of my wife on our wedding day and say "Honey, I wish I never would have done the things I did. I wish I had more to give you than what I do. I wish my innocence was more than it is. I wish I had saved more for you than just sex."

I sometimes find myself praying for my wife, whoever she is. Maybe I know her already. Maybe I've never met her. I don't even know if she exists, but I pray for her anyway. Sometimes I sit on my bed at night alone and wonder if she's out there praying for me too. On starry nights when you can see the world unrolled at your feet and bathed in moonlight, I think about her. When fog rolls through the hills and everything seems paler and greener and more beautiful than ever, I laugh inside because I know she has to be even prettier than that. On days when a storm passes through, I sometimes go out and watch the lightning and listen to the thunder rolling across the sky as it searches for rest, and when most of it has passed I slowly dance by myself in the rain, pretending she was there with me. Sometimes I cry a little, but my tears mix with the rain and no one knows but me. I can't wait to finally recognize her and say "Hey you! I've prayed for you for a very long time. It's good to finally know who you are." And then I tear up just a little and a smile crosses my face as I think about what she must be like. I hope she's cute. :)

Well, I need to stop. I have to pack. God bless you, and and happy Thanksgiving, you all. :)

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for God who promised is faithful. -Hebrews 10:23

To the nameless, but not the faceless. I wish I knew...

2006-10-16T15:28:00.000-04:00

There you sat; eyes closed, resting. Not alone. You're never alone. But as I looked, I knew that my heart would always hold you even when I couldn't.
i
I don't know what it is. I don't understand. It confuses me, and I confuse myself. One moment I'm moving forward in sunlight, the next I'm reversing in a pouring rain. I can't stop loving you. But who are you, and why won't you let me go?
wish
I just wish I knew how you feel; what you think. I wish I could change you and give you back what's been taken from you. I feel it when you're hurting even when I can't see. I trust, hope, and move on. All but my heart. Will it ever end like it could have began? Awake, asleep, in the twilight between dreams there is peace, but resolution is never alive.
i
I live in circles. In a city of angels the earth shakes, in a valley of darkness a wind sighs through the branches of withered trees, and longing breaks forth from my heart once more.
knew...
I missed you so much today.

Dreaming of a campfire

2006-09-08T02:59:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling rather nostalgic tonight, or at least imaginative. What I'm thinking of never actually happened I suppose, but I feel as if it did anyway. In my mind I keep picturing a blazing campfire set at the edge of a midnight sky, crickets chirping softly in the night. Out of the fire sparks drift up into a gentle breeze that sweeps them away like tiny stars that burn for a moment and then die as suddenly as they began. In the distance the chirping of frogs gently awaken the evening with their songs. And there, laughing and playing around the fire, are six young children. The oldest is a girl, small and slender, with long, nearly black hair and gentle, beautiful hazel eyes. She has her legs drawn up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs as she looks deeply into the flames, an expression of thoughfulness written on her face. Next is a boy, mischevious but charming, with dark brown hair and an impish grin. He holds a twig into the fire, twisting it around as it slowly begins to burn. The third is another boy, brown-haired, well-built, handsome, and slightly chubby. He is telling a funny story, making the others laugh at his amusing antics. The next is a girl with long blonde hair, a happy smile, and an irrepressible sense of excitement and energy. She won't stay still long, but frequently stands up and moves around the fire. Fifth is a blond, slightly curly-haired boy, calm and contented, but his eyes reveal in him a sense of fun and adventure. He is occupied with gathering more wood and leaves to ensure the fire will stay lit. The youngest is a small, quiet boy with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He seems content to watch the interaction of the others, a small smile occasionally spreading across his dimpled face as happy thoughts drift through his mind. Six children. Three sets of siblings. Childhood friends. Judith and Hannah, Isaac and Aaron, Michael and Ryan. But memories fade, and dreams change. We're shaped by our actions and determined by our choices. And as I see this scene in my mind, I have to wonder -- what have they become? Who will we be when the hourglass falls and our time here has ended?

When memories collide

2006-09-07T14:17:00.000-04:00

Memories? What memories? Ha...

I think I'd die if I ever tried to be a blood donor. I can hardly get blood drawn without feeling like I'm going to throw up and pass out. It's a lovely feeling (obvious sarcasm, I hope). Today is warmer than yesterday! Which is a good thing in my opinion. But I hope it doesn't get much warmer than this. Okay, I'm getting off here because I have to study for my social pych exam. Later, duuudes! (think Crush here)

Wait! Whoa! I just came across the names Medvec, Madley, & Gilovich in my psych notes. They sound so creepy. Like they could be in a horror movie. "As Missy was running from the screams, she turned the corner and found standing before her Medvec, Madley, & Gilovich!!" AAAHHH!!! Horrible, isn't it?

This must be what espresso does to me. ^_^

Ledom? Oh, so no Ledom!

2006-08-30T18:00:00.000-04:00

Today I was asked if I used to model. I don't think I'll ever get used to that question. No, I didn't ever do modeling. I've never been a model. Not even a model airplane. Or a model student. Or a model model. Nope. I've just been Ryan.

Live On!

2006-08-28T10:34:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm at UK now. It's very different from Asbury. And now I must go eat, but I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still alive. ^_^

Nihil novi

2006-08-01T18:03:00.000-04:00

Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis.

Bene qui latuit, bene vixit.

Aliquando et insanire iucundum est. :D

Est autem fides credere quod nondum vides; cuius fidei merces est videre quod credis.

Humanum amarest, humanum autem ignoscerest.

Nemo enim fere saltat sobrius, nisi forte insanit. (Ha)

Non est, crede mihi, sapientis dicere "Vivam." Sera nimis vita est crastina: vive hodie.

Pereant, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt! :P

Stultum est timere quod vitare non potes.

Vivere est cogitare.

Carpe diem.

Deus nobiscum, quis contra?

[EDIT]

Ever feel like the apostle Paul? I mean, when he says "...I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some."? Like nobody knows the "real" you, or maybe that the real you is always changing to fit who you're with? Or that "changing" is who you are? I do sometimes... like to a 14 year old kid who cusses to try to be cool I'm a cool older guy who is kinda punk and listens to cool music. To a girl who is hurting about stuff her mom is telling her I'm a brother and a mentor and a shoulder to cry on. To some of my friends I'm a goofy, fun guy who isn't necessarily to be taken seriously. But I'm never all at once. It's like I'm some sort of ever-changing material that adapts instantly to all situations. I confuse myself.

2006-07-29T03:13:00.000-04:00

And it took a while, but it was more than worth the wait.
-Mainstay

2006-07-24T17:15:00.000-04:00

And his thoughts were like flames...

Of trees, light, and love

2006-07-19T14:51:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I feel like a tree. Well, two trees. At my best I am an oak, massive and strong; my roots planted firmly in the soil, entwined branches lifted up embracing the sky, staring the world in the face as the sun shines down and illuminates the earth. At worst I am a willow, bent and broken; bowing to the ground in despair as heaven releases a torrential deluge; angry sheets of rain obscure the surrounding world as I fight the overwhelming fear that obscures reality.

I've seen enough in my comparatively short life to know that God has a plan for each of us. True, life is full of uncertainties and unexpected twists, but only to us. God knew what would happen all along. Even in relationships, what I never expected to be fulfilled has come. The words spoken so suddenly to me long ago and almost as suddenly dismissed have taken form. In the midst of my darkness a light was revealed. In my shadow, a hope sprang forth. I embraced a fullness I had never known, leaving myself behind. And now, glory. Where once I saw merely light is a blinding glow that is overtaking me. In her brilliant eyes I see what can never be explained.

Trust. Faith. Hope. Love. Simple, but who can know the depth of the words? The hidden meaning behind them? Who can express the inexplicable? As we live, we learn. We learn in order to love. Because of Love we live. The cycle repeats endlesly, wrapping itself in the wheels of time.

God take me if I ever forget Your splendor, if I fail to remember what You've done.

Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name. I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths, from the realm of the dead. Psalm 86:11-13.

A Discourse on Life. I Lie.

2006-06-30T14:10:00.000-04:00

Ah, we have a new post! I'm sure all of my loyal readers are vastly appreciative of the fact that it doesn't contain any lyrics. Well, that's not the plan anyway, but I suppose things could change. It is a perfectly marvellous day, condidering that one, I have not yet gotten out of bed and it is already 2:10 pm; two, I'm feeling slightly under the weather; and 3, ... 3... oh, never mind 3. Like I said, it's an excellent day.

I would love to fill this in with written accounts of all my daring exploits, the names of all the maidens I've saved from horrible catastrophies and the like, but I must confess to having, at least for the moment, a very boring and highly uneventful life. Please say in a very sorrowful and slightly wheezing, pathetic tone of voice, "Alas!". Very nicely done. Thank you. I feel much better.

If I could be anywhere in the world right now, I think it would have to be either England or Ireland. Just a few days ago I was relaxing on my hammock under the overhanging branches of a gnarled tree, looking out across the fields in the twilight hours of the evening. Everything seemed to be subtly tinted with strange hues of gray and green and a mist was blowing in from the west, creating a most lovely view. Suddenly I was filled with an intense yearning to visit Europe. Unfortunately, the inspiring imagery was marred by the entrance of a cow. Stupid creatures, cows.

Well, my faithful readers, I shall bid you adieu. Stay strong, be brave, and watch out for cows.

God... and such.

2006-06-27T01:09:00.000-04:00

Sometimes God really speaks to me in ways other people might not understand. Seeing things happen in the lives of my friends, watching people, even praying for seemingly simple situations can all become intensely spiritual for me. But even songs I've heard what seems like a thousand times can suddenly become the voice of God into my life. Such as these two songs. I wish I could put them up so you can hear them, but I'm not able to. As such, you'll have to just read the lyrics, which I know can be monotonous and time-consuming. For that I'm sorry, but I can't really share them with you any other way. Update -- I've got them up for you now. The first song is called "Magnificent Obsession", by Steven Curtis Chapman. It suddenly found new meaning for me today. The second is called "Obsession" (see any similarities to the first?), by Delirious?, also sung by David Crowder. Again, it really struck home with me today. The songs are essentially... well, they're my life. I still struggle with things, I can still get really emotional (ask Judith about that... ha), And I still fall down, but I'll never be the same person I was six months ago. And the only reason for that is the person I care about most in this world. If you can call Him a person. He is Jesus Christ; my savior and my friend. We've had some really good talks. He's put up with a lot from me. And in spite of my instability and inability to continually pursue Him like I should, He's always here for me when I need Him. He died just to save me from myself. And, for that, I will follow Him until the end.

----

"Magnificent Obsession"

Lord, You know how much
I want to know so much
In the way of answers and explanations
I have cried and prayed
And still I seem to stay
In the middle of life’s complications
All this pursuing leaves me feeling
Like I’m chasing down the wind
But now it’s brought me back to You
And I can see again

This is everything I want
This is everything I need
I want this to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You, Jesus
Be my magnificent obsession

So capture my heart again
Take me to depths I’ve never been
Into the riches of Your grace and Your mercy
Return me to the cross
And let me be completely lost
In the wonder of the love
That You’ve shown me
Cut through these chains
That tie me down to so many lesser things
Let all my dreams fall to the ground
Until this one remains

You are everything I want
And You are everything I need
Lord, You are all my heart desires
You are everything to me

You are everything I want
You are everything I need
I want You to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You
I want it all to be for You
----

"Obsession"

What can I do with my obsession?
With the things I cannot see
Is there madness in my being?
Is it wind that blows the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns... for You
And my heart burns... for You

And I'm so filthy with my sin
I carry pride like a disease
You know I'm stubborn, Lord
And I'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than I know
And I feel lonely without hope
And I feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

And my heart burns... for You
You, Lord
And my heart burns... for You
Oh, it burns for you, Lord
Only You
And my heart burns... for You
Oh, it burns for You
You, Lord
And my heart burns... for You

Goodbye for Now

2006-06-26T12:11:00.000-04:00

I can still see the light at the end of the tunnel shine
Through the dark times even when I lose my mind
But it feels like no one in the world is listening
And I can't ever seem to make the right decisions
I walk around in the same haze
I'm still caught in my same ways
I'm losing time in these strange days
But somehow I always know the right things to say

I don't know what time it is
Or who is the one to blame for this
Do what I believe what I can't see?
And how do you know which way the wind blows?
'Cause I can feel it all around
I'm lost between the sound
And just when I think I know, there she goes

Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now
So long
Goodbye for now (I'm not the type to say "I told you so")
Goodbye for now
So long (I think the hardest part of holdin' on is lettin' it go)
When will we sing a new song?
A new song

We’re still smilin' as the day goes by
And how come nobody ever knows the reasons why?
Bury you deep so far you can't see
If you're like me who wears a broken heart on your sleeve
Pains is troubles that you know so well
Either time don't, it can't, or you just won't tell
I'm not the type to say "I told you so"
I think the hardest part of holding on is lettin' it go

I don't know what time it is
Or who is the one to blame for this
Do what I believe what I can't see?
And how do you know which way the wind blows?
'Cause I can feel it all around
I'm lost between the sound
And just when I think I know there she goes

Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now
So long
Goodbye for now (I'm no the type to say "I told you so")
Goodbye for now
So long (I think the hardest part of holdin on is lettin it go)
When will we sing a new song?
A new song
When will we sing a new song?
A new song

And you can sing until there's no song left (song left)
And I can scream until the world goes deaf (goes deaf)
For every other word left unsaid
You should have took the time to read the sign and see what it meant
In some ways everybody feels alone
So if the burden is mine then I can carry my own
If joy really comes in the morning time
Then I'm gonna sit back and wait until the next sunrise

Goodbye for now
Goodbye for now
So long
Goodbye for now (I'm not the type to say "I told you so")
Goodbye for now
So long (I think the hardest part of holdin' on is lettin' it go)
When will we sing a new song?
A new song
When will we sing a new song?
A new song

Only You!

2006-06-21T11:30:00.000-04:00

I will live and die for You only. You were the only one that I could turn to. You were the only one that could ever calm my sea that separated me from what You knew I could be. Only You. And through it all, I’m Yours alone. I will live and die for You only. Only You. I will die to live for You only. You will be the one I will call by name even when I find myself on either side of pain. You will be the reason for the breath I breathe. Only You. Take this burning heart that burns for You. Make it what You want. Break it, mend it, it is Yours alone. For You I will live and die.

--Only You, Disciple

It's all about love, love, love...

2006-06-10T23:34:00.000-04:00

Wow. I just came across a post over on Rosemary's blog and I could totally relate to what she said. I've definitely been where she is. She was talking about relationships and loving Jesus, so I thought I'd make a post on what I've learned in that area. What God has shown me is that He is a jealous God who wants to be with us just as much and infinitely more than we want to be with our spouses. He longs for us to long for Him, and every second we spend in His presence is pure joy to Him. He loves us so much more than we can ever comprehend. What I've found is that falling in love with Jesus is different than falling in love with a girl (or a guy, if you're a girl :P). That confused me and took me a while to figure out. For me at least, when I'm in church worshipping and I'm singing songs to God, suddenly I become overwhelmed with love for Him. It's not romantic love, per se. It's so hard to describe. But I'll be standing there singing and the lyrics entertwine with my being and suddenly I just know How much He loves me. Then my hands go up in the air, my arms spread wide, and it's all I can do to keep the tears from running down my face with the knowledge of all that He has done for me. Who am I that anyone, much less God, should really care about me? Yet He loved me enough to die for me. It becomes a personal thing. God loved me so much that he sent his son to die. To take my place so that I wouldn't have to be punished for the unfathomable amount of things I've done wrong. And when that connects, I know without a doubt that He really cares about me and knows what I'm going through. And I love Him enough to do anything for Him. Who couldn't fall in love with a God like that?

Contemplation of a late-night mind

2006-05-23T03:05:00.000-04:00

So... I think I'm losing it and going crazy. Maybe it's because I've had a headache all day; I don't know.

The Da Vinci code is stupid, but if you can get past the hilariously unvelievable plot premise, it is somewhat entertaining. Yay for creepy albino monks.

I just misread this: "All content herein copyright" as this: "And contains copious amounts of heroin". I'm not sure how it's possible to misread something so terribly, but evidently I'm capable of it. I think I'll blame it on the wording.

On a somewhat serious note, think about this for a bit:

"And you tried so hard to fight the feelings you dwell on
When all you should do is die to yourself, die to yourself"
- Number One Gun, "We Are"

Seems like just following that bit of advice would make things a lot easier.

I'm totally loving a band called Waking Ashland at the moment. Check them out at http://www.purevolume.com/wakingashland .

They have a music video for a song called "Hands on Deck". It reminds me a lot of myself and someone I know/used to know. And I don't think I'm going to say who. Maybe it's because she's changed so much I don't really know her anymore. Maybe it's a composite of a bunch of people. Maybe it's not. Maybe I don't even know. But maybe I do. It's funny... I keep watching it over and over, wanting it to end a different way, but it never does. It's bittersweet; beautiful and hopeful, but ironically hopeless at the same time. I can't get past the ending. There's no escaping it. She shouldn't leave. He shouldn't walk away. That's not how things are supposed to happen. Yet they do. I guess some things are never meant to be. And I've never been good at waiting.

I'm an an interesting mood. I've kinda been this way all week. I'm a hopeless romantic, but I feel stifled in a way. I suppose I keep it hidden and nobody ever knows. I've been missing people a lot lately for some reason.

*sigh*

I've changed so much these past few months. It's almost unbelievable how different I am from who I was. It might not be apparent at first, even to my closest friends, but I'm not the boy I was. I don't have to impress people or make everyone like me. The craziness was really a facade. I didn't want people to see me for who I was; a scared, hurt, lonely boy who needed to be loved and appreciated. I've grown up. I'm still figuring things out, but I know who and what I am. I can love without conditions. And I can finally let go. I'm not afraid anymore.

Why do we do things we shouldn't do and want things we shouldn't want? I get so annoyed when I see people make stupid decisions because they feel comfortable at the time. Is being comfortable really something that makes everything okay? Maybe it frustrates me because I see it in myself.

Well, I need sleep. I love you all. May God bless you richly.

----

All hands on deck, don’t abandon the ship
You’ll never know what it could have been
All hands on deck, my ship is sinking
Don’t let me go, don’t let me drown

A step to the right to your own rhythm
And what comes next is up to you
I need a miracle to save me from this
I need the angels to all pray for me
I can’t believe you

Another day, another worry
Breaks right through
And indecision bleeds me dry
She’s painting pictures I'm not making for her
And she's got a vision without me in mind
I can’t believe you

The long walks on Moon Light beach
The promises you could not keep
They're so contagious, you're so contagious
For all the world we did not see
For all the smiles you gave to me
They're so contagious, so very fake

And Goodbye to you, goodbye to you
And Goodbye to you, goodbye to you

Ready to run?

2006-05-16T16:06:00.000-04:00

Hebrews 12:1-12... Beats the crap out of lyrics.

1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
4In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

7Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? 8If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. 9Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! 10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.

Thoughts of a Disquieted Mind

2006-04-16T01:39:00.000-04:00

Jason Mraz is amazing. As I sit here writing, I am absorbing his newest (albeit already somewhat old) album. We so often don't allow ourselves much-needed time to relax. So, right now, take a deep breath, lean back, and enjoy a wonderful escape from the cacophonic rancor of life.

Why is it termed "album"? LPs breathed their last years ago, yet we continue to affix the label of album to music compilations. And no, it's not just CDs to which this name is ascribed. Collections of music downloads are still attached to "album" like a barnacle to its pier.

Right now I'm trying to determine which of two Bible studies or church I should attend this evening.

Ah, spring. I love spring! You wake up and suddenly realize where once were only naked, skeletal branches are now tiny green buds, and delicate pink blossoms are floating down from the trees in a light breath of wind like tiny droplets of color trickling from an artist's brush.

Live life to the fullest. Enjoy every moment. When you love, love as if everything in life depended on it. Smile. Tackle those you love with a smothering embrace, and be the last to let go.

Don't overlook the oft-unnoticed beauty around you. Stop to do more than just smell the roses; explore them with the same fascination that life held when you were still a child. Ponder the miniscule detail in the leaves and the tender beauty of the petals. Breathe, and when you do breathe, don't just merely fill your lungs with air. Inhale the fragrance of the world.

Be a light among light, or a light among darkness. It doesn't matter as long as you shine with a brightness that illuminates everything around you. Just glow!

Carpe Diem pro Deo.

Bring it on

2006-04-12T13:57:00.000-04:00

I didn’t come looking for trouble
And I don’t want to fight needlessly
But I’m not gonna hide in a bubble
If trouble comes for me
I can feel my heart beating faster
I can tell something’s coming down
But if it’s gonna make me grow stronger then…

Bring it on!
Let the lightning flash
Let the thunder roll
Let the storm winds blow
Bring it on!
Let the trouble come
Let the hard rain fall
Let it make me strong
Bring it on!

Now maybe you’re thinking I’m crazy
And maybe I need to explain some things
‘Cause I know I’ve got an enemy waiting
Who wants to bring me pain
But what he never seems to remember
What he means for evil God works for good
So I will not retreat or surrender

Bring it on!
Let the lightning flash
Let the thunder roll
Let the storm winds blow
Bring it on!
Let the trouble come
Let the hard rain fall
Let it make me strong
Bring it on!

Now, I don’t want to sound like some hero
‘Cause it’s God alone that my hope is in
But I’m not gonna run from the very things
That would drive me closer to Him
So bring it on!

Bring it on!
Let the lightning flash
Let the thunder roll
Let the storm winds blow
Bring it on!
Let the trouble come
Let it make me fall
On the One who’s strong

Bring it on!
Let the lightning flash
Let the thunder roll
Let the storm winds blow
Bring it on!
Let me be made weak
So I’ll know the strength
Of the One who’s strong
Bring it on!

Bring it on!

Thought of the day

2006-04-04T13:54:00.000-04:00

If I could give the world one vision, it would be that we would live outside of our little self-absorbed bubbles and fully commit ourselves to giving everything we are to God. I see a people dying; longing to be set free from their chains, but only they are the ones who can let themselves go. It's time to give everything we hold back to God so He can work through us. This is the time for our generation to to rise up. God longs to work through us, but He can't unless we give Him our entire lives, our desires, and our longings, and fully give ourselves to Him. Then and only then will we be aroused from our apathetic daydreams and truly change the world. Will you join me?

My life's song

2006-04-04T11:27:00.000-04:00

Heh... when you feel like crying just reading the lyrics... yeah, I know I'm a wuss, but still. Amazing stuff. Simple, but really powerful.

God above all the world in motion
God above all my hopes and fears
And I don't care what the world throws at me now
I'm gonna be alright!

Hear the sounds of the generations
Making loud our freedom song
All in all that the world would know Your name
It's gonna be alright!

Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here!

Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Salvation that died just to set me free
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Cause You are alive and You live in me!
Salvation is here
Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Cause You are alive and You live in me!

Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here!

Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know my God made a way for me
Salvation is here!

Salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
Cause You are alive and You live in me
Salvation is here!

Salvation is Here -- Hillsong United

Thought of the day

2006-04-01T21:55:00.000-05:00

Ok, my thought for today:

God can't really use you until you surrender everything to Him. Sometimes it's hard and sometimes it hurts so bad you feel like you can't take it anymore, but in the end youre a new person entirely, and the world will know that you are different than the rest of this screwed-up world. And that something is no other than our Lord and Savior JESUS CHRIST! Booyah!! Stay strong, my friends... God's not through with you all yet. I seriously can't wait to see what some of your lives look like when He is! Peace and blessings!

Ryan :D

Stupid rules!

2006-03-30T18:52:00.000-05:00

Silly One: rule 6: rules are stupid
SIlly One: Does that nullify rules 1-5?
Silly One: *confused*
Silly One: ha ha
Silly One 2: motivational guidance system 1: no, it doesnt
Silly One: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Silly One: Like, I'm seriously laughing out loud here
Silly One 2: lol
Silly One: Still laughing
Silly One: wow
Silly One: brilliant
Silly One: You get a gold star

And now I see the light!

2006-03-30T13:52:00.000-05:00

Haha... why did it take me this long to realize what the Newsboys were saying here?

When you let it shine
You will inspire
The kind of entire turnaround
That would make a bouncer take ballet
(Even bouncers who aren´t... happy)

And I always wondered why they had that weird pause before they said "happy", and why it didn't rhyme. :P

So in case some of you don't see where I'm going with this, here you go:

When you let it shine
You will inspire
The kind of entire turnaround
That would make a bouncer take ballet
(Even bouncers who aren´t gay)

Haha, awesome stuff! ;)

Jesus lead me on, because I'm not alright

2006-03-28T16:53:00.000-05:00

If weakness is a wound
That no one wants to speak of
Then cool is just how far we have to fall
And I am not immune
I only wanna be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess

I'm not alright
I'm broken inside
Broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to You
It leads me to You

Burn away the pride,
Bring me to my weakness
'Til everything I hide behind is gone
And when I'm open wide with nothing left to cling to
Only You are there to lead me on
'Cause honestly, I'm not that strong

I'm not alright
I'm broken inside
Broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to You
It leads me to You

(And now I'm moved, now I'm moved, now I'm moved) closer to You
(and now I'm moved, now I'm moved, now I'm moved) closer to You
(and now I'm moved, now I'm moved, now I'm moved) closer to You

I'm not alright
I'm broken inside
Broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to You
It leads me to You

I'm not alright
I'm not alright
I'm not alright
Thats why I need You

-I'm Not Alright by Sanctus Real

Sad Song :-\

2006-03-27T01:05:00.000-05:00

For a friend. And for me too, I guess. Even it's like this, God has a plan. Sometimes we just can't see it. *hug*.

This song is "Everything You Ever Wanted" by Hawk Nelson.
----

I walk the line, leave it all behind
I've been waiting forever
Let's go back in time when I could read your mind
Still, I've been waiting

It took the seasons going by to know its not my fault
I tried to be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger
Tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you

Its been so long since you've been home
I used to wait up forever
Used to say a prayer
Wishing you were there
And I'm still waiting
You told me once you'd show up
But I fell for that before
I fell to pieces
Then I woke up to no one
Just a picture of Jesus
In a house left in pieces

I tried to be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger
Tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you

I want you, I need you
I want to believe you
I want you, I need you
I want to believe you

I tried to be perfect
Tried to be honest,
Tried to be everything but you.

I tried to be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger
Tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you

I tried to be perfect
Tried to be honest
Tried to be everything you ever wanted
I tried to be stronger
Tried to be smarter
Tried to be everything but you

TOUR!!

2006-03-25T00:20:00.000-05:00

Greetings from somewhere in West Virginia! I'm on spring break, and I'm traveling with the men's choir from Asbury College. It's been great... varying from amazing to totally boring from time to time, but I suppose that's what touring is like for everyone. Oh, to all of you who didn't already know... yes, I sing. How well? Um... no comment. We stay with host families most nights, and they all feed us way more than it should be possible to consume. All the people have been great, but one family in particular was my favorite. They didn't have the nicest house or the greatest food, but the were awesome people. They had been married about 5 years, and the girl... well, woman... was telling us her story; how she waited until she was 30 until she got married, and how hard that was for her at times until she gave in to God's plan for her life. It was great to hear. Oh... haha... she, along with my tour "roomies", decided that I'm going to end up marrying Rebecca St. James. That was kind of odd, becaue people had jokingly told me that before. Here is their reasoning:

1. I love Australian accents. RSJ is from Australia.
2. I have 6 siblings. So does she.
3. I've known for a while that I'm going to marry someone older than me... not sure how much, but yeah. All my best friends are definitely older than me. Anyway, she's like 6 or 7 years older than me. (hehe)
4. I love music, and I would love it if my wife could sing. She's RSJ, lol... no explanation needed.

I think there might have been more, but I don't remember right now. Oh well.

I bought Kutless' newest CD, Hearts of the Innocent. It's amazing!! I'll end this post with some lyrics. It's called "Smile". Almost cried listening to them... not sure why, but something about them really touched me. Maybe it's because I want people to say to me what she says to him in the song. Of course, I didn't actually cry because I was on the bus . Well, here you go. God bless!!

----------

On a plane somewhere again
I take my place in line
Just like every other time
I slide into my window seat

She was sitting there
One seat over so I said
"Hello, how are you today?"
With my smile I could see the hope within her eyes
And I knew that something's different today

Though everything's the same
Inside there's something real
A faith which causes me to change
(But what's different now)
A spark is gleaming in my eye
Like diamond stars that fill the sky
I think a smile says it all
A smile says it all

The conversation presses on
As miles pass below,
She said I have to let you know
You seem so different to me

There is a joy inside
The love of God is all I know
From which this could originate
With one smile I could see, The Faith we share inside
And I know that something's different today

Though everything's the same
Inside there's something real
A faith which causes me to change
(But what's different now)
A spark is gleaming in my eye
Like diamond stars that fill the sky
I think a smile says it all
A smile says it all

I see what a smile can say about me
I know that words are not always what speak
Sometimes it's not what I say
That the world around me seems to understand

Though everything's the same
Inside there's something real
A faith which causes me to change
(But what's different now)
A spark is gleaming in my eye
Like diamond stars that fill the sky
I think a smile says it all
A smile says it all

A smile says it all
(A smile says it all)
A smile says it all
(A smile says it all)
A smile says it all
(A smile says it all)
A smile says it all
(A smile says it all)

Shane & Shane

2006-03-16T00:52:00.000-05:00

I just got back from a Shane & Shane concert here at Asbury. Wow, it was good! I helped set up for it today before I had to go to class, and I got to talk to Shane Everett for a while. Then I went to class, and then I went to Danville, KY to sing at a church with the Asbury men's choir. I got back here with about 10 minutes to go before the show started. So I ran back to the dorm, changed, grabbed my ticket, and headed over to the auditorium. After it was over, around 10, I hung out with one of my friends (she's basically a female version of me (except she looks a lot like Kirsten Dunst)... seriously, we have nearly identical personalities, feelings, gifts; you name it. We call each other "boy me" and "girl me" :P). Anyway, we drove around talking and listening to music and stuff like that. I said goodbye to her with about 5 minutes to go before curfew, so it was almost 11 (why am I giving times here? I don't know). As I was walking back to the dorm, I felt like I should stop and see how the packing from the concert was going. I ended up talking to Shane Everett again for about 15 minutes, and before I left, I felt led to pray for him. So I did! And then I went back to the dorm. Well, about 30 minutes later, I went back outside just as they were leaving and gave him my email address because I felt very led to pray for him and the whole group, and I felt like I was supposed to give him my email address. Yeah, me and the weird feelings I get. :P So anyway, I told him what I was feeling, and asked him to please email me if there was anything I could pray for him specifically about. And then I went inside again. And here I am! Maybe he'll email me, or maybe he won't. I guess I'll find out eventually. Well, I'm tired. I'm going to bed. Here's one of my favorite songs by Shane & Shane. Good night and God bless!

You are all
Big and small
Beautiful
And wonderful
To trust in grace through faith
But I'm asking to taste

For dark is light to You
Depths are height to You
Far is near
But Lord, I need to hear from You

Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good

Your fullness is mine
Revelation divine
But oh, to taste
To know much more than a page
To feel Your embrace

For dark is light to You
The depths are height to You
Far is near, but Lord
I need to hear from You

Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good
Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good, our good

The Promise of a Lifetime

2006-03-13T17:03:00.000-05:00

Kutless' new CD is going to be amazing!! This song's bass is way too low, but only because I was messing with it. I'll try to fix it later.

I have fallen to my knees
As I sing a lullabye of pain
I'm feeling broken in my melody
As I sing to help the tears go away
Then I remember the pledge You made to me

I know You're always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words you say
Don't ever walk away from Me
And leave behind the promise of a lifetime

Will you help me fall apart?
Pick me up, take me in Your arms
I'll find my way back from the start
Then you show me how to grow through the change
I still remember the pledge you made to me

I know You're always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words You say
Don't ever walk away from Me
And leave behind the promise of a lifetime

I am holding on to the hope I have inside
With You I will stay through every day
Putting my understanding aside
I am comforted

I know You're always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime
I hear the words You say
Don't ever walk away from Me
And leave behind the promise of a lifetime

I know You're always there
To hear my every prayer inside
I'm clinging to the promise of a lifetime
Looking back on me
I know that you can see
My heart is open to the promise of a lifetime

You will be there

2006-03-12T16:03:00.000-05:00

This is a song I've been kinda working on in my spare time, pulling it out every few months or so and writing a line or two. It is, of course, copyrighted by myself. :P

It's tentatively titled "You Will Be There", and it needs a ton of work. I mean, the ryhme scheme doesn't even work yet. And honestly, I'm not sure I'll end up keeping the verses with the chorus. But this is the idea:

A broken man walks down the road
His clothes are torn, he fights the cold
He wonders what he's living for
And... (need more here)
He turns his face to heaven, anguish in his eyes
And cries

A woman lies in bed alone
Her family's gone, she's on her own
Abandoned by the ones she loved
(...)
(...)
And she wonders what happened to her dreams

When I can't see where the road that I travel is leading
(Will you be there?)
When I can't find my way through the pain that I'm feeling
(Will you be there?)
When I want to give in and I feel like retreating
(Will you be there?)
You tell me you love me and I'll make it through
(You will be there)
And you'll always be here for me

Tell the World -- Hillsong United

2006-03-12T14:28:00.000-05:00

I love this song!!

Don't wanna stand here and shout Your praise
Then walk away and forget Your name
I'll stand for you if it's all I do
'Cause there is nothing compared to You
'Cause all I want in this lifetime is You
and all I want in this whole world is You

Tell the world that Jesus lives
Tell the world that
Tell the world that
Tell the world that He died for them
Tell the world that He lives again

No longer I, but Christ in me
'Cause it's the truth that set me free
How could this world be a better place
But by Thy mercy, by Thy grace

'Cause all I want in this lifetime is You
And all I want in this whole world is You

Tell the world that Jesus lives
Tell the world that
Tell the world that
Tell the world that He died for them
Tell the world that He lives again

Come on, come on
We'll tell the world about you
(x6)

Tell the world that Jesus lives
Tell the world that
Tell the world that
Tell the world that He died for them
Tell the world that He lives again

Come on, come on, we'll tell the world about You
Tell the world that
Tell the world that
(x4)

Tell the world that
Tell the world that
About You

Laughter of the mind (doesn't make sense; just thought it sounded cool)

2006-03-12T01:04:00.000-05:00

Aww! This makes me happy! I actually started crying (just a little!) when I was looking over this because it’s exactly what I’ve been praying my life would be like in others’ eyes…

They: I bet people are like..."Don't answer that call if it's Ryan! He'll talk your ear off!"
They: :P
Me: lol
Me: well, i know when to be quiet and just listen, so im good
Me: im easy to talk to
Me: except when im hyper
Me: then i dont make much sense :-P
They: like....now? :P
Me: haha... ouch...
They: lol
They: I'm just kidding
They: you are wonderful and easy to talk to
Me: haha
Me: well thanks!
They: nothing to thank me for, you are just so full of Him that it overflows
Me: aw!! now i dont have anything to say in response to that
They: you don't have to say anything at all, just soak it in and know it's truth :-)

Yeah, it makes me happy :) . Well, I should get to bed now. Blessings!

Yay for emails like this!

2006-03-09T00:46:00.000-05:00

I love getting emails like this one! Talk about encouraging! I was going to post it earlier, but I forgot about it. I was having a convo tonight with someone, and it reminded me of it. So I'm finally posting it! (And mom, please don't say it's because they like me :P)

------

Do you know how much you have changed my life?!?! First, let's talk about the simple stuff. You are like the first guy I have ever talked to on the phone without being uncomfortable at all. My fear of the phone is subsiding thanks to you. I know that might seem totally insignificant, but it is something I really appreciate you doing. And as for important things... wow, there are sooo many! When I needed an accountability partner, you found one for me. She has been such an encouragement in my life and I wouldn't know her if it weren't for you.You are always encouraging me in my walk with God. You help me and give me advice all the time. You help me make the right decisions. You teach me how to be a better person, and you don't condemn me. You pray for me when I ask you to. You "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn" (Rom. 12:15). When I'm hyper, you let me be crazy and when I'm sad you cheer me up. I seriously think one of the main reasons my relationship with God is so great right now is because of you. I mean, obviously God's grace is the reason I can be saved, but I'm growing because of people like you. I really am influenced so much by people, and you make me want to be closer to God. A lot of my friends at school make drugs, alcohol, sex, swearing, cheating, lying and other sins seem like the cool thing to do, but you make a life of purity look even cooler. I don't want to be a rebellious teenager anymore, because a life like yours is so much more appealing and better for me. I've been so encouraged to dig deeper into God's Word and spend more time with Him because of you. I've learned how to not care about what other people think and live for God, and guess who I've learned this from... YOU!! You talked to me when I randomly started IMing you, and you instantly became my friend. You didn't care that I am some weird girl from another state, but you gave me a chance, and you accepted me. I could go on for hours about how you've impacted my life. You truly are a blessing in my life and I thank God for you! I really mean everything I just said, I wouldn't write this much to someone just to make him feel good if it wasn't true. You are an amazing friend! Thank you for everything you've done! Please don't feel like you haven't done anything for people. Look at how much you've helped me, and I've known you for less than 3 months. I can't imagine how much you've impacted people you've known longer than me! You rock!

Asbury Ground Zero

2006-03-04T00:43:00.000-05:00

"Look at the nations and watch -- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.
- Habakkuk 1:5

Check out this site: http://www.groundzeroac.com.

For No Average Girl

2006-02-28T12:12:00.001-05:00

Well, it's not exactly pink lipstick... :P

(I was bored in class and was playing with Photoshop -- I'm not actually wearing it)

The real photo (but in black and white):

Finally!

2006-02-27T23:48:00.000-05:00

10 Years ago:
Waiting excitedly for my 9th birthday, which was right around the corner!
Wanted to live in the country
Loved being outside
Was still shorter than my older brother
Woke up insanely early all the time

5 Years ago:
Had just moved recently
Played happily every day on 200 acres
Pretty much blissfully ignorant of everything but my own little world
Loved being outdoors (still)
Started building computers

1 Year ago:
Up insanely late (as I thought at the time) on the computer applying to colleges. Wow, I can't believe it was already a year ago!
Trying to decide where I wanted to go to college.
Planning on a career in law
Learning about people and relationships

Yesterday:
Went to church
Relaxed
Ate
Started to clean my room
Listened to music (of course)

5 Songs I know all the words to
Gosh, there are literally hundreds, maybe even thousands...

This is a Call -- Thousand Foot Krutch
Lifesong -- Casting Crowns
Move Along -- The All-American Rejects
Sea of Faces -- Kutless
God Can You Hear Me -- Tait

5 Things I'd do with a million dollars:
Pay off my college loans
Buy a car!
Save
Donate to charities
Give some away

5 Places I'd run away to:
Ireland
Australia
New Zealand
Italy
British Isles

5 Things I'd never wear:
Lipstick
Polka-dotted underwear
A pink suit
Eyebrow rings
Nail polish

5 Favorite toys:
My iPod
Cell phone
Laptop
My guitar, even though I can't really play it :P
New CDs

5 Favorite books or TV shows:
Smallville
Boundaries in Dating
Lost is kinda interesting
LoTR
Mere Christianity

5 Greatest Joys:
Deep conversations
Hanging out with friends
Doing things outdoors with friends
Chilling with friends
Did I mention friends?

5 People I tag
Lilyofthefield
Rabenstrange
Giggles
Ser (via comment on here)
Whoever wants to fill this out

weird, eh?

2006-02-20T16:25:00.000-05:00

ok, this is a kinda weird post. just stuff ive been figuring out about myself. see... its weird... but i can "read" people with ease. i can glance at someone and tell you if theyre stressed, anxious, scared. i cant explain it, so i wont try to, but take a look at part of this convo. this is after having basically just talked to this person for one night... and i actually felt all this before even talking to them:

person: What do you see in me?
me: enthusiasm, joy, energy, uncertainty, stable yet a bit volatile, longing
person: Yeah... those fit me
me: also, a need for acceptance... not too obvious, but its there
person: Ha, yeah
person: Trying to get rid of that one though
person: It's an old demon

later...

person: did he ever got to go to the revival?
me: i didnt see him there... wait, i think i saw him the first day... i hope he did
person: Yeah. He needs it.
me: i know
person: What do you see in him?
me: a lot... fear, searching, pain, longing
person: Still? Dang.
person: He got so much better when he started dating her. I had hoped all that would go away

i had never met the guy before... just seen him around, and i knew that about him. to be honest, it kinda freaks me out sometimes. like ive prayed for people and had them start sobbing because i prayed for things i couldnt have possibly known they were dealing with. i know when people are distracted, bored, tired, worried, stressed... and all before they've said a thing. all i can figure out is that it must be some wierd spiritual gift of some sort, lol. i can literally feel the presence of demonic influences if theyre around. i can feel control, i can feel opression... its defintitely a strange gift to have. you know the old saying, "the eyes are the window to the soul"? they really are.

Bum bum dum...

2006-02-15T00:13:00.000-05:00

*Working on what I was tagged with... Geez, it's hard to remember what I was doing 10 years ago!!!*

2006-02-08T15:30:00.001-05:00

Wow... Chapel started at 10 AM Monday morning and is still going strong. It's amazing... over 50 hours of solid worship and repentance so far, and it shows no signs of stopping any time soon. That's all for now; more updates when I get the time :P

Hey you! BRING IT ON!!!

2006-02-05T15:27:00.000-05:00

Woohoo! Talk about a gread headbanging rock anthem! Just grooving the the pounding rhythm of "Rawkfist" by TFK. You know you've got good speakers when your whole room shakes. Hehehe.

Eileen's Song

2006-02-05T03:13:00.000-05:00

You have one wing and I have another
Seeking shelter like sister and brother
Through the winter and through the summer
Like one angel we'll fly far away

Hold my hand and we'll make it all right
From this hell that we live in
Cross the road until the light
Comes inside and lives within
It's a long and lonesome ride
When your friends have all gone home
But the roses in your eyes
They pull me in so I don't feel alone

You have one wing and I have another
Seeking shelter like sister and brother
Through the winter and through the summer
Like one angel we'll fly far away

Sometimes I just can't help but cry
When I think of what we've become
Like a soldier lost in the night
Forgetting all where he has come from
But the mud will soon become dry
And the sun will rise again
And the shadows in our eyes
Will fade away down to lower plains

'Cause you have one wing and I have another
Seeking shelter like sister and brother
Through the winter and through the summer
Like one angel we'll fly far away

You have one wing and I have another
Seeking shelter like sister and brother
Through the winter and through the summer
Like one angel we'll fly far away

You have one wing and I have another
Seeking shelter like sister and brother
Through the winter and through the summer
Like one angel we'll fly far away

So my friend now this I say
I won't leave you hangin' on
Hold on tight now and don't fly away
Till one angel we have become

-- eileen's song -- burlap to cashmere -- anybody out there? --

Busy... Oh, so busy...

2006-02-05T03:11:00.000-05:00

Man, it's been crazy! So much work and so little time... Blugh...

Yet another song

2006-01-30T15:55:00.000-05:00

OK, I promise I'll get back to doing real posts, but I wanted to add lyrics to yet another song (I've been listeing to a lot of good songs recently!). This is by Rebecca St. James, my future wife (inside penguin joke there ), and I really like it. So here you go!

---

Title: You Are Loved
Album: If I Had One Chance To Tell You Something...
Artist: Rebecca St. James

We were younger then, you and me, full of dreams, weren’t we?
I went my way, you went yours, where did you go, dear?
Someone said you had left the life we lived together then
This is my way of reaching out ‘cause I remember…

This is what I want to say to you
If I had one chance to speak to your heart
You are loved
More than you could ever know
This is what I want to say to you
If I had one chance to tell you something
You are loved
More than you can imagine
Imagine

If I told you would you believe, the narrow road, I did not leave
If I told you would you understand that I’ve found truth
Are you jaded? Are you hurting now? How I wish that I could tell
Where your heart’s at…can you see? Mine has found – home

This is what I want to say to you
If I had one chance to speak to your heart
You are loved
More than you could ever know
This is what I want to say to you
If I had one chance to tell you something
You are loved
More than you can imagine
Imagine

Not sure if I’ve made it clear enough
It’s not my love I sing about
Everybody asks, “Is God good?”
I believe He is
In fact I know He is

Listening to the castle

2006-01-29T16:49:00.000-05:00

Yay! Judith gave me the "Carried Along" CD that contains "The Coral Castle"! So here it is for you all to listen to:

Coral Castle

2006-01-25T01:50:00.000-05:00

I haven't even heard this song, but the lyrics are really good...

---

Title: Coral Castle
Artist: Andrew Peterson
Album: Carried Along

Late one night I had a notion
An epiphany would be a better word
So I stumbled in the dark down to the ocean
And I pulled my broken heart out of the surf

I had told her I did not have much to offer
And I had told her I would treat her like a queen
But I guess I wasn't worth what I would cost her
So the night has brought me to this coral reef

So down to the water I will come
To raise for her this castle with my hands
And steal away before the morning comes
Cause I don't need her love to love her all I can

So night on night and year on year
Well, I worked until my hands no longer bled
And I let the ocean bear away my tears
So that she would know that I could love her best

And a desert's just a sea without a shore
And a lonely man at worst is still a man
And I ain't gonna cry for her no more
Cause I don't need her love to love her all I can

I often dreamed I saw her face among the people
Who'd come to see the coral fortress I had built
But it may as well have been another seagull
And the castle is there waiting for her still

So down to the water I will come
To wander through this castle on the sand
And steal away before the morning sun
Cause I don't need her love to love her all I can
I don't need her love to love her all I can

One last song

2006-01-24T15:58:00.000-05:00

I just had to include one last song from Love & Thunder, hehe. Gosh, I'm really, really liking this guy. This song is called "After the Last Tear Falls". Lyrics below.

After the last tear falls
After the last secret's told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves
And the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that's just too hard

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

After the last disgrace
After the last lie to save some face
After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue
After the last dirty politician
After the last meal down at the mission
After the last lonely night in prison

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales

'Cause after the last plan fails
After the last siren wails
After the last young husband sails off to join the war
After the last "this marriage is over"
After the last young girl's innocence is stolen
After the last years of silence that won't let a heart open

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales

'Cause after the last tear falls
There is love

Ah, it is good...

2006-01-24T01:09:00.000-05:00

Today I spontaneously bought a CD from the bookstore. And guess what! I love it! It's called "Love & Thunder", and it's by Andrew Peterson. It's highly poetic, and it has a wonderful acoustic folk/traditional sound to it. So, without further ado, here is the song entitled (and the lyrics to) "High Noon".

High noon in the valley of the shadow
When the deep of the valley was bright
When the mouth of the tomb shouted,
"Glory, the groom is alive"
So long, you wages of sin go on,
Don't you come back again
I've been raised and redeemed;
You've lost all your sting
To the victor of the battle at
High noon in the valley
In the valley of the shadow

And the demons, they danced in the darkness
When that last ragged breath left his lungs
And they reveled and howled
At the war that they thought they had won
But then, in the dark of the grave
The stone rolled away
In the still of the dawn on the greatest of days

High noon in the valley of the shadow
When the shadows were shot through with light
When Jesus took in that breath
And shattered all death with his life
Be gone, you wages of sin
Go on, don't you come back again
I've been raised and redeemed
You've lost all your sting
To the victor of the battle
High noon in the valley of the shadow

Let the people rejoice
Let the heavens resound
Let the name of Jesus, who sought us
And freed us forever ring out

All praise to the fighter of the night
Who rides on the light
Whose gun is the grace of the God of the sky

High noon in the valley of the shadow
When the shadows were shot through with light
When the mouth of the tomb
Shouted, "Glory, the Groom is alive"
So long, you wages of sin
I said go on, don't you come back again
I've been raised and redeemed
All praise to the king
The victor of the battle
High noon in the valley
In the valley of the shadow

I think we need a dictionary...

2006-01-22T14:44:00.000-05:00

Today at lunch:

Dude 1: Where were you this morning? You weren't at church!
Me: Oh, I was asleep. I'm going to 608 tonight instead of the morning service.
Dude 1: Oh, so you were sleeping for God?
Dude 3: Yeah, he was castrated for Him.
Me: What?!
Dude 3: Uh... I think I used the wrong word.
Dude 4: I think you mean "prostrate".
Dude 3: Oh yeah...
*much laughter*

Hopefully it's as funny to you as it was to me. Or maybe I'm just a bit low on sleep... :P

Explosions of the mind

2006-01-21T13:07:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't noticed yet, I like cool post titles that may or may not have anything to do with the content of the post. And I love lyrics. :D

Today at lunch I sat with the music majors. It's rather funny at times, because I'm definitely not a music major, but they all love me for some reason, so I'm always getting invited to concerts and performances. Which is really cool, because I love all the music majors! So I eat with them a lot. Anyway, we were discussing tall people for some reason (why? no idea!), and it came up that one girl's schoolmate from high school was 7'4" tall. OK people, that is officially tall. At 6'7", I'm easily the tallest person at Asbury, but that dude has got 9 inches on me. Kinda scary. :P

I love it when people are on fire for God. It's always so cool for me to watch how people who have had awesome conversions live, because they live differently than everyone else. They are so authentic, and their fath is such a huge part of their lives. Unlike some of us who just can't seem to find the time for devotions, these people wear their faith wherever they go. Ask them a question about what God has been doing in their lives, and see their eyes light up with excitement. Sometimes I wish that I could have experienced life without God in order to know what it feels like to be truly saved from yourself and your former life. It's not exactly fun when people ask me my testimony and all I can say is that I grew up in a Christian home. I never did drugs or got bombed or anything (homeschooling isn't exactly conducive to that :P ). And I'm NOT saying I wish I could tell people those things, but I still think that telling people I almost died from my heroin addiction and evaded the cops for 17 hours on a motorcycle and drove off a bridge and was almost killed and came to know Jesus in prison would be a bit more interesting. Hehe. But seriously, spend the day with someone who wasn't a Christian their whole lives and you'll come away changed. And even though I've always been a Christian, somehow I hope people get the same feeling from being with me.

I was going to post more on here, but I can't think of anything else. Maybe I'll have more when I get back from the music building.

God bless!

~Ryan

--

Used to be You -- Inside the Outside

I see you there, talking about Jesus
Your new belief is shining through
You're standing there, telling about Jesus
Want them to know what He's done for you

I used to say the things you say
I used to do the things you do
I used to see the things you see
I used to be...you

Complacency shuts the door to a higher call
I don't seem to care anymore I let my brother fall
Holding to things I know will pass
Forsaking what I know
The love I had before didn't seem to last
Where did the passion go?

I used to say the things you say
I used to do the things you do
I used to see the things you see
I used to be...you

Late-night ramblings. (almost typed Lattes instead of Late accidentally)

2006-01-21T00:06:00.000-05:00

Until recently, I had been updating my Xanga a LOT more than this, but lately I've been trying to post simultaneously on both. So, if you're reading this, you shouldn't need to go to my Xanga anymore. Which means that you'll be seeing a lot more of me one here. Oh, frabjous day! Right? ;)

Right now I'm listening to a song by BDA called "The Truth Found You". I'd love to sing it for the freshman talent show, but I'm not sure I'm quite good enough yet. Just being in the men's choir doesn't make you any better than you really are :P). And for another thing, I'd need a drummer and a couple guitarists to back me up. And maybe a pianist. And then I'm not sure I'd have the guts to sing a solo.

Speaking of men's choir (or "glee club" as it is called here at Asbury), I actually sing baritone in it. Which is somewhat strange as I usually sing tenor at church, and sometimes drop to bass in chapel. No, I don't understand it either! Haha.

I've been thinking a lot lately. Quite possibly too much, if that's possible. Anyway, I've been thinking how ironic it is that so many people (I'm preaching at myself here) can have a hard time trusting God for things. What really gets to me at times is seeing almost everyone around me getting a serious boyfriend/girlfriend, getting engaged, or getting married. Sometimes I just have to keep telling myself that God knows better than I do and that there's something I'm supposed to be learning from whatever situation I'm in. Trust... it seems so simple, but why is it sometimes the hardest thing to do? I mean, God actually made us, but we have so much trouble with "letting" Him have control of our lives, and wondering if he really knows what He's doing. Which is, when you think about it like that, so ludicrous that it's almost hysterically funny.

So yay for trusting God!! Well... I'm tired... I hope this makes sense. :P

Later!

~Ryan

--

The Truth Found You

Take one step, take one step back
And tell me, tell me you don't regret the past
Are you haunted by the record of your wrongs?
Take one breath, and breathe in deep
You never, you never tasted life so sweet
There is healing in your heartbreak
You have suffered for so long

When everything inside you
Is fed up with being lied to
Take my hand and we will find the Truth
And just like all the others
You will soon discover
That after all, the Truth found you
The Truth found you

Take one chance, and chance it all
Creator became created for us all
Every one of us was orphaned
'Til we heard the Father's call

When everything inside you
Is fed up with being lied to
Take my hand and we will find the Truth
And just like all the others
You will soon discover
That after all, the Truth found you
The Truth found you

Unless you go
You'll never find
That truth was waiting all the time

When everything inside you
Is fed up with being lied to
Take my hand and we will find the Truth
And just like all the others
You will soon discover
That after all, the Truth found you
The Truth found you

Falling Up banner lyrics :)

2006-01-20T23:50:00.000-05:00

Lyrics to the song played by the Falling Up banner (one of their more vauge songs, haha):

Oh, by the way, if the music ever gets annoying, you can turn it off by clicking on the speaker button in the banner. Anyway, the lyrics:

So this is real, the window sill, it cannot heal
All the secrets are here now
All I’ve known, my cover’s blown, the ages shown
You know that they all fake the hope
The neon lights, the fade of light, the fear of heights
The complex and effects start
Breaking tide to beach the white, and early night
And the water only from His side

All alone
There’s whispers of defenses gone

This is the way, this is the motion
Let go now
This is the threat, this is the ocean
Let go now

And so it’s made, the frozen sade has turned my gaze
The effect is in motion
Strength is gone, my breath is on, the last is drawn
You know that it will soon be gone
Still I wait in today and complicate
And all time is just frozen
I see through, was never you, and what you said
The hope is where His hand has bled

Just let go...

Today's thoughts

2006-01-20T11:50:00.000-05:00

Chapel was good today. It made me think.

I'm not sure what I think of drinking or smoking; whether or not they're morally wrong. But I do know this: we are called to be set apart from the world. I want people to look at me and not see me at all. I want people to look at me and see Jesus living in and through me. How will that happen if I do everything the world does? If I smoke and drink and watch certain movies with everyone else, what difference will they see between me and them? How is it that we as Christians can watch sex but not have it until we're married? Why can we party and get drunk and and yet say we're consecrated to God and set apart from the world? Christianity is more than just "accepting" Jesus as our savior, guys. It's about living the difference. If we do everything the world does, how will we be different? The answer is quite simple. We won't.

--

Good and Evil decide to coincide inside
The four walls of this body
Rendered helpless, they cannot help the sick and dying
And the difference between them is gone...

How can we say clearly?

How can they see clearly if there's no evidence?
They believe when they see
Each day we live the difference!

Heaven help us, but they've already tried
And so we're left with one conclusion...
Without Jesus, we are nothing more than liars
Filled with grand illusion.

How can they say clearly?

How can they see clearly if there's no evidence?
They believe when they see
Each day we live the difference!

You ask me:
How can we be free from this demise we're in?
I tell you repentance,
Repent from all this filthy sin.

How can they see clearly if there's no evidence?
They believe when they see
Each day we live the difference!

How can they see clearly?
We live the difference.

Heaven help us, but they've already tried
And so we're left with one conclusion...

And I make the names differelement

2006-01-20T00:16:00.000-05:00

It's really good to be back at college. Today was rather, well, uneventful, but this semester has been so much more busy than last semester. Today I went with two of my favorite people, David Gordophilus and Laura Happiness, to Dollar General to buy shampoo. I was complaining about there being a hundred million brands of shampoo, so David suggested that I buy the cheapest. That turned out to be "luscious rasberry (or something similar)" scented, so I passed it up. I ate lunch today. And dinner. Laura put Tobasco sauce on my shells tonight, and they were so much better. I love Tobasco sauce. Well, technically it was only one shell. Anyway, that's about all; I can't think of anything else at the moment. Well, I think I'm going to go watch Signs now. G'nite!

Lesson 3 of College Life

2006-01-19T10:56:00.000-05:00

Logic truth tables suck. That's about all there is to it.

Without the outside there is nothing within

2006-01-12T14:10:00.001-05:00

Well, I'm still alive; I just haven't had much access to the internet or email in a long time. I'll update more when I get back to college Sunday. Yoda!

Holalala

2005-12-21T23:51:00.000-05:00

Yup... Not sure what to say right now, so I'm not going to say much. As a matter of fact, I'm done. Woot. :P

Lesson 2 of College Life

2005-12-13T14:08:00.000-05:00

Girls like Chik-Fil-A ties. A lot.

:P

Profile Pic

2005-11-28T02:05:00.000-05:00

I changed my pic to this:

It is very, very current, taken only today. Well, yesterday.

My Largest Paper to Date

2005-11-21T16:54:00.000-05:00

Or at least I think it is.

-------------------------

Ever wonder if there was something about cologne that made the opposite sex more interested in you? Ever wonder how ants can find their way back to their nests with news of food? Perhaps there is more to than that idea then you might have thought. Science has recently revealed to us that there may indeed exist something that influence us in ways that we are unable to detect. These “things” are pheromones.
The word “pheromone” comes from the Greek words pherein, to carry or transfer, and hormon, to excite or stimulate (Wyatt 1). Pheromones are chemical signals that are secreted by one particular individual and received by another individual of the same species, which activates within them a particular specific behavior or developmental process. Animals employ chemical signals such as these to communicate informational messages to each other that vary from attraction to aggression and even territorial marking (UniSci).
Pheromones have been the object of extensive scientific research in recent years, as scientists try to determine what they are and how they work. For several years scientists have noted that women who live together in places such as a college dormitory tend to have their periods at the same time of the month. It has also been observed that this phenomenon occurs in female rodents as well.
Chemicals emitted by a female rat during a certain phase of its reproductive cycle will actually cause another rodent’s cycle to become lengthened. Chemicals from another phase of its cycle will cause the rodent’s cycle to be shortened.
A recent study indicates that if compounds are gathered from a human female’s armpit and applied to the upper lip, the same effect will occur in women. If a woman’s compounds are collected during one phase of her menstrual cycle and applied to another female, it will shorten another female’s cycle by an average of almost two days. Compounds from a different phase of a woman’s cycle will actually lengthen another female's menstrual cycle by an average of one and a half days. This indicates that pheromones do indeed exist, and that they do affect people (Arniello).
Additionally, researchers at the University of Chicago claim to have found the first substantial proof that humans do indeed produce and react to pheromones. In their findings that were published in the journal Nature, researchers said that they had found that female ovulation can actually be regulated (shortened or lengthened) through the use of pheromones.
Martha McClintock, a researcher at the University of Chicago, stated that pheromones regulate the length of ovulation, and noted that there were actually two different hormones: one that causes ovulation to be more likely and another that essentially suppresses it, making it less likely to occur.
There could be several practical scientific and medicinal applications from this research. Because it has been noted that pheromones influence the release of eggs, scientists say that they could allow for a much more natural way of preventing pregnancy or treating infertility (Rowland).
For another study, this time published in an issue of the journal Hormones and Behavior, McClintock and her fellow scientific researcher Suma Jacob tested human male and female responses to undetectable amounts of two steroids that are produced by the body a included frequently in perfumes and colognes: androstadienone, which is produced by only by men, and estratetraene, which is produced exclusively by women.
McClintock notes that while they can adjust how we feel and influence our moods, pheromones won't force you to suddenly turn around while walking down the sidewalk and follow somebody's perfume trail or cause them stand there and be rendered unable to move, an effect they do have in animals and insects. But she says that they definitely do have an effect on the emotional condition of humans.
University of Chicago researchers tested ten males and ten female by applying a very small amount of each steroid under their noses on their upper lips and also to a spot on their necks. The steroid was diluted in a chemical called propylene glycol, and the researchers also applied only propylene glycol to test their subjects in the same areas.
During the testing, the researchers conducted standard psychological tests to compare how the thoughts and moods of their subjects were influenced by exposure to the chemicals. This is how McClintock described the testing technique:
Let's say that a woman comes into our lab and over time, things become more irritating and depressing. Her positive mood begins to drop because she's sitting in a small room working very hard. But we found that the tiniest dose of the steroid--either the men's or women's--would prevent her mood from slipping. On the other hand, we found that the steroids had the opposite effect on men. They became less high, less euphoric: it was not a positive experience for them. (Gorner)
To the scientists, the results were indicative that during group interactions, or while being in close proximity to other people in groups, there are undetectable chemical signals being transmitted between people that affect their mood and psychological state (Gorner).

Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania and the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia have discovered that exposure to male perspiration has remarkable significant psychological and physiological effects on women. Male perspiration can actually brighten women's moods, causing the reduction of tension and the increase of relaxation, and also has a direct effect on the release of luteinizing hormone, which affects the length and timing of the menstrual cycle.
In a study led by George Preti and colleague Charles J. Wysocki, male underarm compound extracts from volunteers were applied to the upper lip of 18 women aged 25 to 45. The women were then asked to rate their mood using a fixed scale during the 6 hour time frame they were exposed to the compounds.
‘Much to our surprise, the women reported feeling less tense and more relaxed during exposure to the male extract,’ said Wysocki, a member of the Monell Center and adjunct professor of animal biology in Penn's School of Veterinary Medicine. ‘This suggests that there may be much more going on in social settings like singles bars than meets the eye.’ (EurekAlert)
After the women were exposed to the perspiration compounds, additional tests revealed a change in blood levels of luteinizing hormone. Levels of this reproductive hormone, produced in pulses by the pituitary gland, typically spike immediately prior to ovulation but also undergo literally hundreds of smaller peaks all the way through the menstrual cycle.
Three applications of sweat were applied to the upper lips of half the women during a six-hour period. This was followed up with three exposures of the chemical substance ethanol, which was used as a control substance over an additional half-hour period. This was reversed for the other half of the participants.
Preti and Wysocki discovered that applying the male underarm secretions to women’s upper lips accelerated the approach of these smaller pulses. The distance to the next pulse of the luteinizing hormone was shortened by an average of approximately 20 percent, dropping from 59 down to 47 minutes. The hormonal compounds used in the research were obtained from men who used unscented soap while bathing and were not allowed to use deodorant for four weeks. The extracts were mixed together to keep the women from possibly reacting to an individual male’s odor. None of the women involved in the study were told what was being tested, and none of them realized that sweat from human males had been put on their upper lip. Strangely enough, some of the women actually believed they were involved in a study of alcohol, perfume or even lemon floor wax! (EurekAlert).
About 30 years ago, D. Berliner, from the University of Utah, was studying human skin. He obtained skin cells from the interiors of discarded casts from skiers who had previously broken bones. From this raw material, Berliner extracted several chemical compounds. As the skin cells appeared to be perfectly odorless, he decided that he would store them in uncovered flasks.
Strangely, Berliner noticed that when the lab workers were operating in the lab in the midst of the flasks, they became noticeably friendlier and more relaxed than normal. He couldn’t figure out why this was the case until a few months later he decided to cover the flasks. Amazingly, the lab workers started acting like their normal, grouchy old selves. He wondered what it could be that would explain this strange situation. Since he already knew that animals were able to communicate with each other using pheromones, Berliner surmised that the flasks had been releasing human pheromones into the air. And, sure enough, when the contents of the flasks were analyzed, they were indeed found to contain pheromones (Costello).
Women seem to be affected much more strongly by pheromones than men are, whether they are responding to perceivable odors or pheromone compounds. In a study in Switzerland, women preferred the smell of t-shirts that belonged to men with immune systems different from their own over men with immune systems similar to their own. This perception may have a reproductive advantage; according to Wayne Potts of the University of Utah,
The genes of the immune system control odors, and different versions of these genes emit different smells. When two people with different immune systems reproduce, the resulting combination of immune system genes seems to better be able to fight off infections. (Costello)
Although males and females both secrete pheromones called androstenes, men emit more of them. Women emit lipids known as copulins. Both are a powerful form of communication. Although a few people can consciously sense them, most can't. However, this doesn’t matter as the conscious part of the human brain is nearly irrelevant in some of our most important work. As Laurence Gonzales says,
When women are exposed to androstenes, they feel better and find that people look better to them. When androstenes were applied to chairs in a theater and a dentist's office, women chose those seats, while men rejected them. Of course, none of them knew what was on the chairs or thought the chairs smelled one way or another. (Gonzales 7)
Pheromones don’t exclusively affect humans, however. Much important research has been done that studies the effects that pheromones have on insects and other creatures. For the farmer, pheromones could be extremely beneficial in controlling pest populations.
When they are used in combination with traps, synthetic insect sex pheromones can be used to help figure out which insect pests are in a crop and what plant protection procedures or additional investigations might be necessary to ensure that there is no serious damage to the crop. If the synthetic pheromone attractant is exceptionally powerful and the amount of pests is low, some pest control can be accomplished with pheromone insect traps or with a method called "attract and kill".
In most cases, however, a method called "mating disruption" is much more effective: Synthetic pheromone is spread from many sources placed throughout the field, thus sufficiently confusing the males enough that they are then incapable of locating the females, and the total number of matings and resulting amount of offspring is reduced. Mating disruption has been very successful in controlling the populations of the pink bollworm and the Oriental fruit moth. In European vineyards, the European grape moth and the grapevine moth are both are successfully controlled with pheromones.
The most common use of pheromones is still for prediction. By placing a few traps inside a field the farmer can easily find out when the insect population level reaches the point when it becomes necessary to apply insecticides. However, if the population levels never become critical, no insecticides are necessary (Valeur and Jirle).
Insects, such as ants, use pheromones to communicate with each other and alert others of danger. True, we’ll never be attacked by giant ants attracted by pheromone-emitting toxic sludge as seen in the movie Empire of the Ants, but pheromones certainly play a part in an ant’s life.
When an ant is distressed, it gives off a pheromone that can be perceived by other ants located even several centimeters away. They ants are drawn from the low concentrations of the pheromone and begin to travel toward the area of higher pheromone concentration. As they approach a distressed ant from their colony, their reaction changes to alarm. The higher pheromone concentration causes the ants to run around frantically as they attempt to fix whatever is causing the ant distress.
Unless the ants release additional amounts of the alarm pheromone, it is soon disperses. After the emergency is over, the ants then peacefully return to whatever they were doing before they came into contact with the alarm pheromone.
In order to allow others from their nest to help obtain food, certain ants leave a trail pheromone behind them as they go back to their nest with food. This pheromone trail attracts and directs other ants to the food source. As long as the food source exists, the pheromone trail will continue to be renewed as other ants continue to add to it. When the supply of food begins to diminish, however, the ants will stop laying down new pheromone. The trail evaporates quite quickly so that other ants will cease to come to the site where the food used to exist, thus ensuring that they are not confused or distracted by old trails when a new food source is discovered somewhere else.
To test this phenomenon, a stick or other object treated with an ant’s trail pheromone can be used to make an artificial pheromone trail. This will be closely followed by other ants that emerge from their nest. Unless it leads to a food source, however, the artificial trail will not be preserved by other ants (Kimball).
The subject of pheromones is fascinating. Maybe the reason that the girl walking down the street this morning looks so cute is because she is emitting more pheromones than usual. Or perhaps she just naturally looks cute. And why do we act the way we do sometimes? Perhaps pheromones just might help us understand ourselves better. As I was told by a girl after explaining the concept of pheromones, “Maybe that’s why I like boy smell!”

Works Cited
“Evidence Found of Human Brain Detection of Pheromones.” UniSci 27 Aug. 2001. 18
Nov. 2005
Arniello, Leah. “Pheromones.” Brain Briefings July 1999. 18 Nov. 2005 .org/content/Publications/BrainBriefings/pheromones.html>
Gorner, Peter. “Sixth Sense Detects Pheromones, U. of C. Researchers Show.” The
University of Chicago News 17 March 2000. 18 Nov. 2005 uchicago.edu/ssdnews/mcclintok_article.html>
“Pheromones in Male Perspiration Reduce Women's Tension, Alter Hormone Response.”
EurekAlert 14 March 2003. 18 Nov. 2005 pub_releases/2003-03/uop-pim031403.php>
Rowlan, Rhona. “Study Finds Proof That Humans React to Pheromones” 11 March 1998. 18 Nov. 2005 < http://edition.cnn.com/HEALTH/9803/11/pheromones/>
Gonzales, Laurence. “The Biology of Attraction”. Men’s Health 20.7 (2005): 186-193.
Wyatt, Tristram D. Pheromones and Animal Behaviour : Communication by Smell and Taste. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University Press, 2003.
Costello, Caitlin. “Sexual or Sexist? Replication of Human Pheromones” 7 Jan. 2002. 20
Nov. 2005
Valeur, Peter, and Irling V. Jirle. “Pheromone Research.” 8 April 1998. 11 Nov. 2005

Kimball, John W. “Pheromones.” 30 Oct. 2003. 20 Nov. 2005 jkimball.ma.ultranet/BiologyPages/P/Pheromones.html>
Empire of the Ants. Dir. Bert I. Gordon. Cinema 77, 1977.

Yup

2005-11-16T02:22:00.000-05:00

I yet live!

Lesson 1 of College Life

2005-11-01T16:04:00.000-05:00

When you run out of shampoo, don't try to use a bar of soap. It doesn't work.

Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape

2005-10-31T02:34:00.000-05:00

Artist: UnderOath
Album: They're Only Chasing Safety
Song: Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape

I heard a voice through the discord
A deluge of passersby
I saw one gaze frozen in time
Watching me passing by

I swear I'll know your face in the crowd
And I'll hear your voice so loud
When you're whispering

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger
Hey ungraceful I will teach you
To forgive one another

Here's my kiss to betray
Desperate to brush the lips of grace
Do you feel hollow when you think of how I lied?

Oh sweet angel of mercy
With your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me
Oh sweet angel of mercy
With your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger
Hey ungraceful I will teach you
To forgive one another

Hey unfaithful I will teach you
To be stronger
Hey unloving
I will love you
And will love you

Jesus I'm ready to come home
I'm ready to come
Jesus I'm ready to come home
Unfaithful
Ungraceful
And unloving
I will love you

Well...

2005-10-26T22:44:00.000-04:00

Never mind. I'm not leaving after all.

Elephants and Swiss Cheese

2005-10-24T19:02:00.000-04:00

So... I might be leaving Asbury.

Ten thousand?!

2005-10-13T11:35:00.000-04:00

Wow... I've had over 10,000 hits on this blog!

Top Seven

2005-10-13T10:58:00.000-04:00

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
1) Fly an airplane, not just fly on one.
2) Get married (but who doesn't?)
3) Go skydiving!
4) Go bungee jumping!
5) Graduate from college
6) Get a job
7) Visit some other countries

Seven things I can do:
1) Some people tell me I can sing...(Gosh, I think Lily is gonna get annoyed with me :P)
2) Make people laugh
3) Carry on an intelligent conversation with adults (true that, Neo)
4) Voices and accents
5) Draw
6) Smash my head while going down stairs
7) Run into things

Seven things I cannot do:
1) Act sane
2) Play any instruments
3) Sing
4) Insult people. Actually I can, and I can be good at it, too... But most people wouldn't believe that
5) Play sports
6) Flirt. Not only would I be insanely bad at it, I can't stand it.
7) Fly. But I wish I could...

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex (assuming godliness is a given):
1) Personality
2) Artistic
3) Fun
4) Intelligence
5) Honesty
6) Compassion/empathy
7) Good looks would definitely be a plus

Seven things I say most often:
1) "Sweet"
2) "How's it going?"
3) "Huh (or hmmm)"
5) "Um... That's interesting..."
6) "HEY!"
7) "*is laughing*"

Seven celebrity crushes:
1) I have never, ever had a crush on a celebrity. Honestly.
2) See above
3) See above
4) See above
5) See above
6) See above
7) See above

Seven people who should do this:
1) Lily
2) Giggles
3) Ser
4) Eric
5) David (haha!)
6) No-j... but he's basically abandoned blogging.
7) Any bored loser like myself

Tagged

2005-10-13T00:48:00.000-04:00

Huh. This is the entire post? Weird. Scroll down for an explanation of what this is.

Hey everyone, have an awesome September! Hope August was cool for you! That's all.
Original post.

I'm tagging:
1. Ser
2. Giggles
3. Neo
4. Eric
5. Whoever wants to do it

Rules:
1. Go to your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest)
4. Post the text of the sentence with these instructions.
5. Tag 5 people.
*new rule!* if your post is under 5 sentences long, post the entire thing!

Nice...

2005-10-13T00:26:00.000-04:00

I got 98 out of 100 on my pre-midterm essay for English. I'm happy about that.

Word Verification

2005-10-11T10:43:00.000-04:00

I have incorporated word verification into the comments on this blog. I was getting sic [sic] (clever, huh? :D)of the advertising comments. Anyway, I'm sorry if typing in a word each time you comment is annoying, but I think that's how it's going to be from now on.

Finally

2005-10-10T12:23:00.000-04:00

I cleaned my room today...

A Cafeteria Prayer

2005-10-10T12:11:00.000-04:00

This very appropriate prayer was said today at lunch:

"Dear God, please protect us from this food, and give us a good day!"

Alas, it is true indeed.

3015

2005-10-06T14:07:00.000-04:00

Gosh, I'm so sore! 500 pushups in 6 days isn't exactly easy. Our hall, or at least the cool people on it (sorry Noah :P ) is doing something we're calling 3015. 3000 pushups and memorizing 15 Bible verses by the end of October. I could hardly lift my arms after the first day, haha. I'm doing a bit better now though.

2005-10-04T16:12:00.000-04:00

From left to right: Laura, Noah, Jodie, and me. It was taken at Jodie's birthday party, and I randomly put a lampshade on my head. Noah followed, and then someone had to take a photo.

Flying camels, anyone?

2005-10-04T14:09:00.000-04:00

Ah! Lab was only 30 minutes long today! Last week it took an hour longer than it was supposed to have taken, so I was really glad that it didn't repeat that yoday. I was going to post a picture, but it isn't uploading right... I'm gonna do some tweaking and then try later.

Ryan

Praise You in this Storm

2005-09-28T07:52:00.000-04:00

Good song...

Title: Praise You in This Storm
Album: Lifesong
Artist: Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Tests

2005-09-14T09:34:00.000-04:00

Tests are fast approaching! My first biology test is in 1 week... And then I have my first Western Civ test 2 days later...

Oh well.

Hmm

2005-09-13T15:36:00.000-04:00

I had no idea that the TFK banner played music. I think I'm going to remove it...

Wow

2005-08-30T19:28:00.000-04:00

I've never had to study this much in my entire life!

Girl America

2005-08-26T00:34:00.000-04:00

Girl America -- Bullet -- Mat Kearney

My girl America is just a youth in this world
Her smile is more precious than the sparkle of pearls
And though her age reads she’s just a young girl
Age behind her eyes show the pain that she's swirled
Through the hand that's been dealt though it's quiet as kept
The weight was all felt last night as she slept
And as she crept into the dreams of the things of her past
seems to have grown so fast, way beyond her own class
though they're right there with her, hers brothers and her sisters
A natural born leader even when her peers diss her
My girl, she's at a crossroads, people praying for her
Some are preying on her magazine ads, sex, drama, smoking marijuana
Longing for a father to call her 'daughter'
She's part of a generation longing for reconciliation
And this future that they're facing and this poison that they're tasting
My girl, I know it's love that your chasing

(Chorus)
My girl America's crying when she's lying on her bed at night
I can see that she's screaming when she's dreaming for freedom
My girl America's dying while she's trying hard to stop this fighting
Don't stop believing, my girl America

Verse 2
Boys with hungry eyes have been knocking at her door
Telling her that's what’s she's for, trying to rob her at her core
Then leave calling her a whore, but still she knows there's more
I know she knows there's more because there's a voice she can't ignore
'Cause it was founded in the foundations, from the day of her creation
In God we trust engraved in the treasures of her nation
And the void the boys can't fill
With the tippin' of the bottle or the poppin' of the pill
But still most of her friends don't care as they glare
ready to drown the funnel as they frown down the funnel
As the stumble and they tumble breaking down into rubble
My girl America, can't you see
It's not the circumstances that determine who you're gonna be
But how you deal with these problems and pains that come your way
It's for you that I pray with hope for a brighter day
So I say, your deliverance is comin'

(Chorus)

Bridge
Faith like a child from your first birth
You left it in the dirt on your worst hurt
And I see each tear in every scar
The hands that have held you where you are
And I can see we've strayed so far
A king born under that morning star
A crown of thorns that was placed to erase
Each tear that touched your face
His palms and sides were pierced with spears
He hung in love just to draw you near
My girl not of this world
Can't you see this is where we started

(Chorus) X2

His palms and sides were pierced with spears
He hung in love just to draw you near
My girl not of this world
Can't you see this is where we started...
Where we started....where we started, my girl America

I Have Arrived!

2005-08-20T08:07:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone! I got moved into my dorm room yesterday afternoon. My roommate is pretty cool. Crazy, and he kinda reminds me of my older brother(funny, but a lot of people do), but he's fun. He's from Texas.

I got to meet a guy who's a friend of one of my friends, haha... He's pretty cool, and hopefully I'll get to know him better as the year goes by.

Last night was awesome!!! I had so much fun, haha! I was up like way late and was talking to one of my best friends until... I'm not going to say on here because you wouldn't believe me... ;) Anyway, I called her because I was chatting with her at first, but AIM kept crashing. Anyway, we went from talking about some deep stuff to lyrics to spoonerisms to bushisms to finally getting totally exhausted and hyper and laughing hysterically about random things that weren't really that funny. Oh gosh, I haven't had that much fun in forever!

Well, I need to get off of here and get ready for the opening session. Later, people!

Ryan

I'm Back!

2005-08-17T23:24:00.000-04:00

Ok! So resumes my blogging career!

What would you do...

2005-08-05T16:19:00.000-04:00

Be honest! (I stole this from Ser)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
1. I died from natural causes:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I started smoking:
5. I stole something
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Family:

WOULD YOU:
13. Be my friend?:
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?:
15. Hold my hand?
16. Take a bullet for me?
17. Keep in touch?:
18. Try and solve my problems?:
19. Love me?:
20. Date me?:

HAVE YOU EVER:
21. Lied to make me feel better?:
22. Wanted to kiss me?:
23. Wanted to kill me?:
24. Broke my heart?:
25. Kept something important from me?:
26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?:

~*::And More::*~
27. Who are you?:
28. Are we friends?:
29. When and how did we meet?:
30. Describe me in one word:
31. What was your first impression?:
32. Do you still think that way about me now?:
33. What reminds you of me?:
34. If you could give me anything what would it be?:
35. How well do you know me?:
36. When's the last time you saw me?:
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?:
38. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you?:

FILL IN THE BLANKS!

I _____ Ryan.
Ryan is _____.
I want to _____ Ryan.
Ryan can ______.
Someday Ryan will _______.
Ryan reminds me of _______.
Without Ryan, _________.
Ryan can be _______.
Ryan is always _______.
The worst thing about Ryan is ________.
The best thing about Ryan is ________.
I think Ryan should _________.
If Ryan were an animal, she'd be a _____.
Right now, I bet Ryan is thinking about _______.
Ryan makes me want to _______.
If I could spend the day with Ryan, I'd ____________.
I'd ______ for Ryan.
Ryan is made of _________.
Ryan is the _________.
If I could be Ryan for a day, I'd ______.
I want to give Ryan a ________.
The song _____ by _____ reminds me of Ryan.

All for You

2005-08-02T16:02:00.000-04:00

Artist: Jonah33
Album: Jonah33
Song: All for You

His time with them has stopped;
It's time for Him to carry out His Father’s will.
He said He’d drink this cup.
He’s told them all along that He would go;
they could not follow Him,
but He’ll be back for them my friend.

And now He sweats these drops of blood
and He prays “take this cup from Me”
but He knows there’s no other way.
His Father’s will, He said He’d take your sin,
your shame, your place upon that cross of pain and die for you.

There’s no way to repay all the pain he went hrough for you.
His reason- simply his love. Its time to see the truth-
understand there’s nothing you can do.
His reason- is simply you.

It was all for, it was all for you.
He bled and died for you.

We live by grace through faith alone with Jesus Christ
who died to set us free through change; our flesh can give.
You know that even if you were the only one He died for,
that means only your sins drove the nails.

There’s no way to repay all the pain He went through for you.
His reason- simply His love. Its time to see the truth-
understand there’s nothing you can do. His reason- is simply you.

It was all for, it was all for you. He bled and died for you.
It was all for, it was all for you. He bled and He died for you.
No time to hesitate my friend. No time to second guess His love.

There’s nothing else that you can do. He already gave it all for you.
All for you. All for you. All for you. All for you. Simply you.

It was all for, it was all for you. He bled and died for you.
It was all for, it was all for you. He bled and He died for you.

All for you. All for you. All for you.

HEY!

2005-08-01T01:53:00.000-04:00

Yo people! I miss you all! Don't worry though; I'll be back soon enough. Less than 3 week and I'll resume my normal posting habits!

RYNO

I'm Alive

2005-07-12T19:27:00.000-04:00

As the title says, I am indeed alive, despite my notably long absense from blogging. In honor of this fact, I am including lyrics from "I'm Alive" on the album "Lift" by fellow Kentuckians Audio Adrenaline. By the way, I don't particularly like the lead singer's voice on most of their songs, but there are some definite exceptions...

Sometimes I wake up feeling like I did way back in L.A.
but since I'm from Kentucky that feeling must have been a mistake
but the sun is bright and the skies are so blue
it must be something bigger that makes me feel like I do
so if you come to the show then I want you to know

I'm alive
the moment I let go
brought passion to my soul
I'm alive
my heart's been rearranged
and never be the same
I'm alive

Have you ever longed to take a walk on top of a cloud
if this feeling was a gimmick I don't think it would be allowed

so if you come to the show
or hear it on the radio
we'll rock you we'll rock you
and I want you to know

I'm alive
the moment I let go
brought passion to my soul
I'm alive
my heart's been rearranged
and never be the same
I'm alive

Bye for now

2005-06-06T12:16:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to say...

I am taking a temporary hiatus from blogging. I'll resume later this year, probably mid-August, when I move into my dorm room at Asbury. Hope you all have a great summer, and I'll blog to you later! ;)

Ryan

Dream

2005-05-30T01:38:00.000-04:00

I LOVE this song!

Artist: Michelle Tumes
Album: Dream
Song: Dream

I believe there is divine imagination
Give it wings for it created aviation
Every little hope you’re holding inside
Every little gleam you keep in you eyes
A dream, yeah, a dream

Before a seed became a flower there was a vision
The dream is planted deep, He’ll shower it with wisdom
Flowing with love that’s making you smile
You’ve waited in your faith you’ve dreamed your whole life
Your soul begins to fly

There’s a dream in your heart
And His heart is your prayer
You can move mountains with your life in His hands
He’ll tear down the walls and He’ll walk where you can’t
Have faith in the power to believe
He’s given you a dream

I pray you dream will leap beyond your expectations
You’ll see miracles He has no limitations
Listen to His voice a spark will ignite
Let Him be the strength to carry your life
He’ll raise your spirit high

There’s a dream in your heart
And His heart is your prayer
You can move mountains with your life in His hands
He’ll tear down the walls and He’ll walk where you can’t
Have faith in the power to believe
He’s given you a dream

You will find the bloom beneath the sunshine
Reach inside and sail to His horizon
Every little hope you’re holding inside
Every little gleam you keep in your eyes
You’ve waited in your faith you’ve dreamed your whole life
Let your soul begin to fly

There’s a dream in your heart
And His heart is your prayer
You can move mountains with your life in His hands
He’ll tear down the walls and He’ll walk where you can’t
Have faith in the power to believe
He’s given you a dream in your heart
And His heart is your prayer
You can move mountains with your life in His hands
He’ll tear down the walls and He’ll walk where you can’t
Have faith in the power to believe
He’s given you a dream

Faith in the power to believe
He has given you a dream
Faith in the power to believe
Gotta have faith in the power to believe
He has given you a dream
Faith in the power

Caffeine

2005-05-30T01:30:00.000-04:00

I went off all caffeine 4 days ago because I was sick of depending on it to stay awake... And so far, I've been really tired.

My Graduation Speech

2005-05-27T23:05:00.000-04:00

This is the speech/thank you I gave when I graduated... A lot of it is made up of inside jokes that people might not understand.. Oh well... Here it is, anyway:

------------------------

I’ve been thinking about what I could do for this. I could quote, I suppose, but Jon can do that a lot better than I can. I could attempt to spell my name in sign language, but Kendra would be the one to do that. And I know you really don’t want me to dance or sing for you. So, I would like to take this time to thank everyone who has helped me make it to where I am today. A quick note: If you hear something that makes absolutely no sense to you, but causes everyone around you to burst out laughing, don’t feel bad; it’s probably just an inside joke.

Ok, first of all, I’d like to thank my parents, because I wouldn’t be here without them. I’ll bet you didn’t know that. Well, it’s true, really.

Next, I would like to thank my older brother, Michael, for impressing upon me from a very young age the desire to learn self-defense skills.

I would also like to thank God for making me bigger… OK, taller… than Michael; for creating me, saving me, and blessing me with many… Wait, it was already established that I’m not that talented… For blessing me by putting tons of awesome people in my life.

Thanks to my family for helping me to learn patience, putting up with me for so long, and for not throwing anything other than empty soda bottles at me to wake me up at 10:30 AM. Wait… I think there was a dirty sock once…

Ok. Time for more thank yous! Mrs. O, for everything you’ve done for me over the past 12 years. Dr. O, for trying to explain SAT and advanced math to me. I had fun sitting in your dining room trying to stay awake, while eating and pretending to understand what you were telling me. As Eric said, those raw hamburgers sure tasted good!

Mrs. W, for your encouragement, wisdom, and awesome pranks! I’ve never seen you angry or in a bad mood. Should I ask Kendra?

Mrs. D, for taking the time this year to teach me about the Jewish roots of Christianity.

Mrs. L, for finding last-second movie reviews for me, and for talking to me for hours, even though you had things you needed to get done.

Thanks to everyone who let me quote to them over and over and over again until I finally got it right.

The pastor, staff, and members of First Assembly of God in Lexington, for allowing me to quiz, even though I couldn’t afford it.

Porter Memorial Baptist Church, for the use of your facilities.

Finally, a huge thank you to everyone I am privileged enough to call, “friend”. You people are awesome! In particular, I would like to thank:

Joby, for reading the weird emails I sent, and for talking to me on the phone while playing Age of Empires with one hand, and your Gamecube with the other. That takes some serious talent, dude! Well, maybe you weren’t playing both at the same time, but still… Anyway you’re a great guy!

Kara, fellow procrastinator and night owl. Thanks so much for everything, from putting up with crazed emails, to late-night phone calls, to listening to me ramble on about everything that popped into my mind. Also, a huge thank you for introducing me to the music of Mark Schultz, and for encouraging me to get involved with Bible Quiz! You’re pretty cool! I’ve also heard that you get startled easily…

Speaking of being startled, thanks to Kendra, who does the most incredible things when she’s startled. You’re a great friend and role model. Mothers will be forever telling their children, “Don’t do that, or else you won’t grow up and be like Kendra!”. Well, at least that’s what they’ll say to their daughters.

Micah. Mothers will tell their children about you in exactly the same way as they did Kendra, only they’ll say, “get older” instead of, “grow up”. Ahem. Seriously, I have a lot of respect for you, man. You play a mean game of basketball, as well!

Matt, for always enthusiastically greeting me with, “ Sup, Coxy?”, and for fearlessly singing along with the radio, no matter where you are, even though… Well, you’re no Matt Thiesson. The first name is the same, though. You’re an awesome friend!

Last, and certainly least… Wait, typo… Ahem. NOT least, Jon! Thanks for letting me call you at 1 AM to talk about nothing in particular. You’re a great friend, an awesome quizzer, and nearly as crazy as I am. Too bad cool music doesn’t appeal to you. I’m joking.

Well, that covers it, I think! Thanks for everything!

-----------------

And that is the speech.

Hey People

2005-05-26T00:12:00.000-04:00

I am still alive. I will post a real post soon. I had a dream about one of my friend's hair last night. And I don't remember anything else about it. It was very nice hair, though.

This can't be right

2005-05-14T22:12:00.000-04:00

You are SUPER-COOL!
Aces!

Am I cool or uncool?
You are Super-Cool!
Woah! Step back - the future's so bright for you it's blinding me! You are the coolest of the cool. Everyone looks up to you as the benchmark for being coooool. The fonze was your grandfather. Any cooler and you'd freeze! WOO it's chilly in here.
Find out how cool you are!